Good evening My Dearest Richard,
I have just read over all of the material on my registration page and have reminisced about the wonderful and difficult journey we have endured together. Our life together has not been an easy one, there have been many boulders and twists and turns along the road, but each hurdle has only strengthened our love and devotion to one another.
I have grown so much as a person and a submissive over the last 3 years. You have helped me open up and overcome so much that I would have never been able to overcome had I not met you. You encourage me to reach my full potential, and without your love, support and encouragement, I would not be the woman that I am today. I would most likely be a college drop-out.
Each day that I spend with you only makes me love you more, even though at times you drive me crazy. My every waking moment is consumed with thoughts of you: how to please you, how to manage my life outside of you in order to maximize our time together, how to ensure that you never have any desire to even take a second glace at another woman.
My greatest desire in life is to spend the rest of your life with you, in whatever manner possible. My ultimate fantasy is to one day become your wife and express my love for you in the most physical way possible. I am certain that once I have been in your arms I will never want to be anywhere else.
I face extensive criticism from my family, specifically my siblings, on a regular basis because of our relationship, but it does not matter. The only opinion that matters to me is yours, as long as you are pleased with what we have together, I will be happy.
However, I am not a strong woman Richard, my fears and insecurities are at times all consuming, especially my fear that one day my moodswings will become too much for you, that you'll decide that the bad in me outweighs the good and you will move on to greener pastures. I wish that I weren't plagued with self-doubt and the feeling that I am damaged goods, but I am. I never feel, and have never felt, that I am good enough for you. I feel blessed each and every day to have you, I feel that you are settling with me.
I never imagined that it was possible to love another person as much as I love you, Richard. I never imagined that I could feel such a deep and lasting connection to another person after all that I have been through in my life. Truth be told, I never imagined that anyone would love me.
My greatest regret in life is that I am not as submissive as you'd like me to be, nor as submissive as I'd like to be. I hate myself for holding back and being unable to give you the deepest level of submission that you desire and deserve. I want so badly to be the woman that you want me to be, to be the submissive that you want me to be.
I want to please you and bring pride and honor to you in all that I do. I never want to disappoint you, but then I find myself doing these stupid things that I know are going to disappoint you greatly (i.e drinking a whole bottle of wine and flirting). For the longest time I did not believe it when you said that I do these things to test your love for me, but now I know that it's true. I do these stupid and self-defeating things to prove to myself that no batter how bad I am, you are here for the long haul. On a deep subconscious level, I need that regular reassurance. and I fear that because I need that, these foolish actions will continue and what I fear even more is that one day they will drive you away.
That said, tonight I want to recommit myself to you, mind, body, heart and soul. I feel that I have not been putting my best submissive foot forward recently. I feel that I have been doing the bare minimum and that I need to do much better. I need to beg to suffer more often, I need to demonstrate my submission and devotion to you more regularly.
The most important thing that I need to do, is to be more supportive of your training of Faye and to do everything that I can to help you train her and to help her become the submissive woman that she wants to be. I have to put my jealousy and fears aside, and allow my submissive persona and heart to lead the way.
I also need to stop putting off your orders, even if it is not something that I really want to do, because what matters is not what I want, but what you want. I am YOUR slave, YOUR property, and I have willingly given myself to you to control and to Own.
I need to remember that while the task may seem trivial to me, it is what you want, and that is all that really matters.
with love and renewed devotion, Your Beauty
No comments:
Post a Comment